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Australiana - Bogans - Myth or Fact?
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Moose
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  Australiana - Bogans - Myth or Fact?
How to survive in the Australian Suburbs..
This is a Public Warning, to all you "Prospective Tourists of Australia"! (A warning you won't find, in the Official Brochures.)

This was requested by Beba, so don't blame me for the length of the post, nor the pictures! Wink
Here you go. Beba, Australian with pictures, just as you requested. Very Happy
I was very nearly Seriously Injured, researching this 'Article', so I hope, you appreciate it. Shock

There is a little known phenomena, here in Australia, called BOGANS or BOGONGS !
As with most things Australian, we are "Blessed" with different types of critters with the same name! Rolling Eyes
There are 2 different types of Bogans out here. ( Both are pronounced Bow-guns ).

The first Bogong, is generally harmless, most of the year and is called a Bogong Moth. ( Agrotis infusa )


Depending on your definition of the word "Harmless" Wink
It is, ONLY, a moth, but it is, the size of a Small Sparrow! ( With a body and Wingspan of around 5 Centimetres or 2 inches) Shock

Once a year, in our 'Southern Spring', September - November, these 'bugs' go nuts, in an all out orgy, that covers, literally, hundreds of miles!
They disrupt, not only 'Country Folk', but they even "Invaded" Canberra, our National Capital City!
NOT Sydney ! As some people have mistakenly believed ! Wink

Moth Migration and Life cycle



Moths 'Swarming' at Mount Hotham in Victoria. (This is a 'small' Orgy, of just close and personal moths.) Wink



Unlike Grasshoppers/Locusts, which just sting and annoy you, these 'buggars', really hurt! Shock
Especially, when you are riding a Motorcycle, at any speed, faster than walking pace. Sad

Being the "uninvited guest", of a Bogong Moth Orgy, on a short 500km (300 mile) ride, I can tell you, these critters give you a whole new definition, to the word, PAIN !!

Imagine, being hit, repeatedly, all over your body, by a Professional Baseball pitcher, tossing Fast Balls at you! Shock
Change that to a Cricket, Fast Bowler, for our UK friends. Wink

I was "Black and Blue", with several shades of "Green and Yellow", from the time, I was hit by the 1st Moth, until I hit the brakes, and stopped!
Around 4 seconds, from 130kph, or 80 mph! blackeye blackeye blackeye

After I recovered from the extreme shock, (and pain Sad ).
I waited until the Moth's Orgy had moved on, and my heart settled down to an almost regular rhythm, then I recommenced my journey.

My 1974 DUCATI 900, fired up, first kick, (No Electric Boot, 'Real Men' Kick Start their bikes! Cool ), and everything was fine in the world, apart from my aching body... Smile

80km, (50 miles), down the road, my "Baby", the DUCATI, started to make "strange", grating, and grunching sort of noises!
Is Grunching even a word? Confused
Well that's what it sounded like.
A cross between a Crunch and a Grate. Confused

Again, jumping on the 'picks', (brakes for you 'Non-Motorcyclists' Wink ), I hauled the beast up, in a couple of seconds.
But this time, it didn't sit there idling.
In fact, it wasn't making any noises at all, apart from the 'tick' 'tick' 'ticking', of hot metal, cooling down ! Shock
It was "dead"! Shock

I tried kicking it over, but, after nearly having an infarction, ("Hearty", or Heart Attack), 70+km (45 miles), from nowhere!
I decided, I had best stop this futile excercise, in 35c (95 f), degree heat! Embarassed

When I had a closer look, the bloody 'Moths', had "Smashed" my Sparkplug Caps, and they had 'imbedded' themselves, into to the Cooling Fins, of my Air Cooled motor!
Causing the motor to 'overheat'! Mad Mad Mad
(No Temperature gauges on 1974 "Classic" motorcycles, for those of you that wondered, "Why didn't he just look at the Temperature Gauge?" Rolling Eyes )

It wasn't as hot as it has been known to get, but I did see this, just off the side of the road!

Thirsty Red Bellied Black Snake !



The final damage bill?
Over $1000.00, for a new set of Rings, Gaskets, 1 Piston, (The rear piston was too badly scored, to re-use), 2 Gudgeon Pins, and Circlips, 2 Spark Plug Caps & Leads, Oil, Filters etc. Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

Oh! And a fresh set of undies after I saw the VB Drinker! Laughing

Sounds bad, doesn't it?

A short 'Sidetrack' here, to help people from "Over There", understand some 'basic facts' about "Over Here".

To clear up, a 'Common Misconception'.
Not all of Australia is "Crocodile Dundee or Steve Irwin Territory"!
Most of Australia is, Scrub and/or Desert, with some Forest Lands and Mountains thrown in, but most of the Population, doesn't live in the country! Shock

In fact OVER 80% of Australia's 20,744,793 population, live in Cities along the Eastern Seaboard, in less than 10% of Australia's land mass!
Our cities are certainly, not as large as New York, London or Hong Kong.

Australia's largest city, by population, is Sydney, which is the Capital City of the State of New South Wales, (NSW).
Sydney has a population of just over 4 million people of the 6,827,700 people living in NSW!
Or, in simpler terms, just over 4% of the population of NSW, lives in the country, or surrounding districts of Sydney!

We have the usual. MacDonalds, Hungry Jacks, Burger Kings, KFCs etc, tall buildings, buses, smog, and muggers, that you find in other cities of the world. Surprised
The major difference, 'some' people would notice, in an Australian City, is that we drive on the Left Hand Side of the Road!

Without trying to start an argument, this is the CORRECT side of the road to ride drive upon, since Medieval Times! Surprised

When 2 Knights approached each other, they would lift their visors, ("The Salute"), to identify themselves.
If they discovered, they were facing an enemy, then they were free to use their Right Arm to "Smite thine enemy"!
Thus endeth the discussion, on which side of the road is the Correct Side to Drive, Ride, upon. Laughing
History is on our side. angel4

Canberra, our National Capital, has a population of only 322,000 people!
I use the word people, 'loosely', as 90% of Canberra Dwellers, are Bureaucrats !
This is a whole different breed of being, seperate from ordinary people, like you and I. Wink
But that, is another story... Wink

Getting back to the subject matter under discussion.

There is a more insidious and dangerous BOGAN in Australia!

A creature, that makes the above Moth tale of misery, sound like a kiddies, bedtime tale! Shock

This second type of Bogan, the Western Suburbis Boganess Erectus is to be avoided at all costs! Evil or Very Mad

These Bogans, are a Sub-Species of Homo-Erectus, and usually inhabit the Suburbs of Australian Cities.
Although, certain specimens, have recently, been found, "lurking" in rural areas, trying to breed with the unsuspecting, Country Folk! Shock

Bogans, are usually male, and the female of the species is called a "Sheila".

They are easily indentified by their distinctive "Mullet" Hair cuts, "VB Stubbie" in hand.

VB Stubbie for those who have never seen one. Very Happy



Their 'uniform' is a Checkered Flannellette Shirt, called a "Flanno", "King Gee" shorts, and thongs, in Spring / Summer.
Bogans swap the thongs and King Gee shorts, in Autumn / Winter, for "Ugg Boots" and "Trackie Dacks"

The Mullet haircut, is Flat on the top, and long at the sides and back.
Making the Bogan, very easy to identify.

Obviously this is a poor Bogan specimen. It has no "Flanno", but it does have the typical Mullet Haircut.


This specimen, was caught, trying to mingle with the Country Folk.
It has obviously 'overdosed' on too many American Westerns, and therefore, thinks all Country Folk eat grass!

The Typical Female Bogan, (Sheila), "Helping out her 'Bloke', fit an engine in the 'Commo'".


Thongs, NON Standard.


Here is an unusual sight.
These thongs must belong to a "Working Bogan"!
Notice the Steel Caps for protection of the toes!

A 'VB Commo' or A Holden Commodore, VB , as it is properly known.



NB: The 'Commo' does not have any number, (Licence) plates.
This is a common occurrence, in fact, it is rare indeed, to see a Bogan actually driving his 'Commo'!
They are usually, waiting for parts, the money, or a 'Mate', to help them get it back on the road!

Bogan waiting to get his 'Commo' on the Road'.


So you don't accidently, fall into the Bogan Trap.
here are some pictures, to help you identify a Bogan Habitat.
These are "dead giveaways' that the inhabitants are probably Bogans.

The Front yard of a Bogan Habitat.


The Backyard of the Bogan Habitat.


Saturday Afternoon, outside a Bogan's Habitat.


A Bogan and his Sheila, at the Party, that just 'happens' after Saturday Afternoons!


Here is A Range of Sheilas, demonstrating that not ALL Sheilas are on the 'dole'


"The Dole": is Australian Government money handed out to those who aren't prepared to work.
It is similar to the American Social Security, except, once a Bogan "get's on the Dole", he will rarely, if ever return to the workforce!
Sheilas, on the other hand, try and get pregnant, before they leave High School.
This allows them to collect an "Unmarried Mother's Pension", which is worth more than the Dole, and has extra benefits.
Such as, Full Health Benefits, including, Dental.
And of course, extra money per child they have!

Just recently, the Australian Government has granted all Sheilas, a $4,000 Baby Bonus !
That's right! Shock
Every time, they let a Bogan "Get them Up the Duff", pregnant, (No pun intended Duffman Wink ), and they create a "Poop Producer" (Baby).
The Australian Government gives them $4,000 in CASH !!! Shock

( And we wonder why the Kiwis, are kicking the gates down, and swimming "Across the Ditch" to get into Australia !?!? ) Rolling Eyes

Here is a Typical Young Sheila, thinking about what she is going to spend her Baby Bonus on.


Another Typical Sheila.
Note the Surly look?
Her Bogan is probably out, trying to help some other Sheila, "Get up the Duff".


Here are some Bogans at Play



Avoid these animals, at ALL costs!
Especially, when they are, "Playing Around"!
In an instant, what seems to be harmless fun, can turn into Mindless Violence!
There have been cases, where complete hotels, have been levelled to the ground, while the Police could only stand by, and watch! Shock

Their bite seems mild an innocuous at first.

"Can ya spare a Durry Mate?" (May I have a cigarette?)
"Can ya givus a hand movun the Commo Mate?" (Can you help me push my old car?)
"How ya off? Can ya spare us a redback, till me dole comes on Mondee?" (Give me $20, which I'll never repay.)
"Mate! Tha bastard at the bar stole me 'gold' from the stubbies! Give us anotha redback will ya." (Give me another $20, which I'll never repay.)

As you can see, from the above, typical examples, these little 'nibbles', can soon turn into serious bites!
Their bites can become infectious, and chronic.
They will occur over and over again.

Once they latch on, they are very difficult to rid yourself of them!

In fact, leeches are preferable, than these parasites!
Although they have been, mistakenly, placed into the same Sub-Species, as Leeches, by some amateurs.

They can sometimes disguise themselves, as 'normal human beings'.
But their 'Essential Boganess', will eventually become very obvious!

I hope this will better prepare you for the "REAL" dangers of living in Australia. Wink

Oh, Yeah. The obligatory disclaimer.

If anybody, takes any of this personally, then my advice to you, is:

Don't take Offence, Take the Bloody GATE as WELL!

Get off your ass.
Get a Job.
Stop bludging off your mates.
Clean your yard up.
Clean your act up.
Get a proper Haircut.
Lose the 'Flanno'
Buy some decent clothes.
Get a real life!
And try and find a sense of humour!


Moose

PostPosted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 6:43 am
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mkbuilder2003
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 OMG
Shock

These creatures have migrated to Tennessee (USA)!
lol....

MK Laughing

PostPosted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 9:51 am
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mine
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 MK, you beat me to it. I was going to say that those looked like a bunch of Tennessee Vol Fans. ROFL
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 10:43 am
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GraceeGirl
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 hahaha that is so funny MK and mine....and yes Moose..I've always wanted to visit the Land Down Under...Cool I will probably never see it..so that's why I watch Steve Irwin and a lot of stuff about your country...I love the accents...Crikey..I love it..heheheh
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 11:07 am
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UnderDog
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 Lol Wink Lov it sounds Lik home...........

PostPosted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 12:29 pm
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Kita
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 Laughing Laughing Laughing What awesome post Moose!!
Thank you not only was it informative but fun to read!

Australia has always been on my gotta visit list but not the interior part I want to swim and scuba dive the reefs there! I love the water I love swimming! That plus your moth story has kinda creeped me out from ever wanting to visit the interior of Australia! Brent was trying to kill a moth one time while it was fluttering around and he swatted it with the fly swatter and it went right down the front of my top! I did what they still call THE GREAT STRIP TEASE in less then 1 min everything was comming off and going every direction! I am not scared of moths I just dont want to share my clothes with them!!
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PostPosted: Sun Jan 28, 2007 1:25 pm
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Beba
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 Laughing Thanks for the post Moose man. I enjoyed reading and Laughing about it. You are a very good story teller and have a great sense of humor. I love it
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PostPosted: Mon Jan 29, 2007 3:51 am
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